Massacred Lawfully

Hello All,

Today I am going to tell you exactly why I hate the low IQs of the Lawyers ... After years of practicing the same old book of Law, perhaps they develop disorder of Law in their own shitting brain ... However these ruscals are greedy nonetheless and miss no opportunity to squeeze the maximum from the un-knowing Clients.

I have gone to one of these shit-heads named 'Ashwin @#%&*!#$%@'. As usual these guys can speak a lot, and mind you they really do speak honey. They are extremely good at finding your weak point at the very first moment and then squeeze the point henceforth. And my friends, that is the exact way by which you finally become one of the 'Money-Well Client' of your 'Honey-Dew Lawyer'. So, this guy instantly undestood my problem regarding some Property and assured me that my problem is his henceforth.

I was pretty happy to learn his scheme and I would have fallen for it, unless I knew this breed from much before. So, while describing the Dream solutin to my problem, this dear fellow, suddenly asked me my property Documents. I gladly obliged. After examining carefully like the wise owl he handed me over the docs and said "so, I think this is your Document". I nodded in anticipation. Then he threw the bombshell and asked me whether I think the named person in Document is me indeed.

Thankfully for me the glass of illusion shattered immediately and I stood up, shook his hand and apologized for my imaginary meeting which I have to urgently attend. He shook my hand and with an ear-stretching Smile he replied, "Its Ok. I did not mind your meeting schedule. Rs 500 only. My small fee.". I choked for a moment as I could see this guy was still shamelessly giggling while holding onto my hand. As if, until I pay him 500 Rs I won't be able to release his strong hold.

Now like every innocent Client I was also paying the money to these blood-suckers for simply doing nothing. Now I realized why and exactly how all of these Lawyers have such a nice and big house. Bloody Blood-sucking parasite ... Fortunately I had 200 Rs only in my purse. So, I opened my purse, acted being astonished and in an embarassed face replied I really forgot to bring money along with and I need to go to an ATM before I could pay him.
Although this displeased this giggling lawyer to a stern face in an instant, still my earnest attempt to learn the route to find the latest ATM really charged him on and he believed me. So he took the 200 Rs from me and described me to find the nearest ATM. Then he reminded me that he needs to go to somewhere to shit, so he wants me to return immediately and pay him off at the earliest as he will make me glad by waiting back at his home for my hard-earned money to prey upon.

Before I could leave his home, he wanted my Cell Phone Number so that he may identify me calling. Bloody Hell !!! However, one of the real advantage of having a Slim Mobile Phone is that, hardly people notice that you are carrying it. I used to think that as a fashion statement. I never really realized its advantage until then. I promptly said I have lost my mobile and I would need to buy a new one very soon. My acting must have been good, as I could realize this cunning fox trusted my words. Thus I turned back out of his home, cursed my luck for losing 200 Rs and praised my instinct for not losing further 300 Rs, went back on Road and never turned back ...

Okkk ........ Enough !!! I believe lots of you guys already know few of these shit-heads ... Off course not all of these shit-heads are also equally parasitic in nature like the one I encountered. There are exceptions. But Rule holds in general ... However, I believe now it is truly enough of the shitty talks and I would present you some of the most humorous Court-Room sagas ...

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and I have just portrayed few of the masterpiece classics of these dumb Lawyers. These are things people actually said on the courtroom.

In court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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I believe, after going through this you will cross-check next time before you appoint your own Lawyer ... However I am pretty damned sure, you will have to finally settle for the least pathetic among the lot ... ;-)